I'll Protect You! - Speaker for the Diodes — LiveJournal

10:13 am - I'll Protect You!

A quick note about National Protection From Pornography Week (no, no, I'm not making this up -- our president actually declared it). An idea shamelessly stolen from someone else (though I've lost track of whom because Windows crashed a few times and I lost the browser window containing the page I was going to point to):

For everyone who wants to be protected from pornography this week, I'm joining the pool of people offering to hold your porn for you. I'll assume the risk so that you can be protected. (I am well versed in safe porn-handling procedures.) And remember, the better-written it is, the more dangerous it is! So you especially want to send me the porn with actual plots, witty dialogue, poetic imagery, effective pacing, imaginitive settings, and so on. Trust me, that's the most dangerous kind -- how explicit it is, how "hardcore", whether particular kinks are present or not, whether it's a tabloid or a glossy or a photocopy or a video or an 8mm movie or an audio recording or a stack of photos or paintings ... all of those details are secondary. If you're unsure which of your porn is dangerous, send it all to me and let me figure it out.

I read the President's statement and agree that people need to be protected from porn, so I'm doing my patriotic duty, stepping up to the plate, and offering to help protect my fellow citizens from porn by isolating it in my bedroom where it cannot hurt the rest of you.

When Protection From Pornography Week is over, if you no longer wish to be protected, I'll return your porn., but, uh, can somebody lend me some money for a Kinko's run first?